Unnecessary aggression

My husband has a habit of using unnecessary aggression when he’s asked to do small things. Last night I simply asked him to stop calling me names and to please be respectful of my property. He has a habit of moving, losing, and breaking my things. He also defaults to insulting me very very quickly when he’s doesn’t get his way. I asked him in a calm voice to please stop insulting me and to please leave my things alone. He repeatedly punched the floor while screaming. 

If it’s not DA I don’t know what it is

 My husband’s temper has been acting up again. The other day I asked for help with fixing the front door. The lock in our front door broke so I bought a replacement. I tried to repair it while he was at work so we’d have a functional front door sooner. Turns out the kind of locking mechanism in our door is a different shape than what I purchased so it didn’t fit. I asked my husband to go to the store and purchase the right kind since I was already working on the door. He didn’t want to so he asked if I could take the dead bolt off our back door and make do with that because he didn’t want to go to the store. Sure I’ll make do. So I tried to play Frankenstein with the new lock and the rusty deadbolt from the back door so our door could properly close for the night. The old dead bolt was very rusty with short screws and it wasn’t screwing together like it should. I tried for about 45 minutes to get it to work and I couldn’t get it to screw together. I called to him in the other room asking if he would either be able to screw the deadbolt together for me since I was unsuccessful or if we should consider calling a locksmith since I was uncomfortable leaving the door without a lock in it overnight. To this he responded with screaming at the Top of his lungs while punching the wall 1-2-3-4-5 times. He then entered the kitchen, locked eyes with me, screamed, and threw his phone as hard as he could On the floor. I told him that was an intense response and disproportionate of a response to me asking for help. He continued to rage at me. I told him that his response was inappropriate and it was unfair to the kids when he acts this way. He proceeded to tell me it was my fault for making him mad. He finally agreed to work on the door. I went to the bedroom to check on my children and my toddler was hiding under the bed and my oldest was having a panic attack and shaking. Apparently my oldest had started having a panic attack while her dad beat the crap out of the wall and he had proceeded to scream at her because her hyperventilating was stressing him out. I looked at the walls and found the dents and hole where my husband had taken his anger toward me out on the wall. He refused that He owed anyone an apology and went to bed. My family doesn’t believe me that my husband acts this way so me and the kids remain stuck. 

Hipocracy at its finest.
I struggle with my in laws. ALOT. I'd say my biggest issue is with the double standards.  I believe that if I do something wrong it is wrong,  and if someone else does that same wrong thing it is still wrong. My in laws don't believe this.  They pick and choose who should be held accountable for their behavior and who deserves immunity. This is very draining. The people who are gifted this magical immunity are not given it due to lack of understanding they after given it because of WHO they are.  These individuals are allowed to act selfishly, aggressively, or in an openly demeaning manner.  I'm done with it. I'm not ok with my sister in law allowing her son to physically abuse younger smaller children because she's not in the mood to be a mother.  I'm sick of people babying her when she does this.  I'm not ok with my mother in law trying to control or manipulate others and then instantly playing the victim if ever called out on such behavior.  I'm not ok with my husbands aunt frequently judging me regarding my parenting, my choices,  and whether I've kept my temper in check only to watch her lose hers after I ask about a window.  I'm not ok with my ex- best friend/ husband's cousin's wife gossiping and lying behind my back when I had been constantly defending her behind hers. My husband's family is a bunch of hypocrits and being around them is difficult.

Not all Christians hate gays and not all gays hate Christians

Not all Christians hate gays and not all gays hate Christians.  A member of my family once said " The media sensationalises everything. You notice they always pick the worst from either group to use as representatives on the news." Which I'd say is completely true. They either pick the haggy old lady who thinks all gays should be killed and she claims to be a good Christian or the flamboyant man who drops the f-word and vandalizes churches for gay rights protest. Frankly I don't believe either the Christian community or the gay community wants these individuals as their representatives. It makes both sides look hostile and crazy.  I don't believe that the right to marry someone you love should be with held from anyone. But in the same note I don't believe that a pastor should be sued for sticking to his beliefs in refusing to participate in a ceremony in which in disagrees with.  I deeply believe love and compassion should be shown on both sides. I am an active member of the lds church and on many occasions I've stood up for my gay friends,  family,  and fellow human beings. Does this mean that I am any less of a Mormon or Christian ? No.  This simply means that I believe in being human and civil.  Does this mean that I appreciate some of the disrespect directed at Christians?  No.  Whoever created the cartoon of Jesus making out with another man in attempt to anger people and prove a point you succeed in making me angry and I want to punch you in the face.  Those of you who see fit to do or say hurtful or vicious things in the name of religion put a sock in it.  No one views you as a representative of Christ.  And those of you who think it's acceptable to beat up a pastor because he won't perform your marriage in his church acknowledge that he fears God more than he does you.  Respect that and put your fists away.  I invite all to join a group I like to call respectful human beings.  We welcome people from all walks of life and we don't feel the need to use hate when others disagree with us.

God knows I mean well

Through out my life I've attended many church wards. There was one where we had the tightest ward I've ever heard of.  And there was one where literally only two people in the whole ward knew I existed. There were wards I attended where everyone kept in their shells and None cared about anyone else,  And there's been family wards that when a member had a need the whole ward comes a running.
 I've been on the receiving end of Sunday school harassment,  And on the receiving end of Christ like service when I really needed somebody. So I've seen the good and the bad and I continue to attend church regularly.  Why?  Because I believe it.  I believe in God and i go there for him. The most recent ward I've been in I've Developed an even deeper love and sympathy for those that are unfaIrly judged.  My experiences in the ward have been the following:
shortly after my husband got laid off a sister from the ward called and asked if I would provide a meal for a family in the ward that was in need. The first thought that went through my mind was "we have no money", but I knew if they were calling it was because there was a need.  I scrambled through our freezer and food storage hoping for something.  Tacos.  We could make tacos.  We had a few 99 cent tortillas in the fridge and a can of tvp in food storage. It was simple but that's what we had. Either that or pancakes. Just pancakes.  Since I didn't want to bring a family in need a Tupperware of dry pancakes, tacos was my only choice. A few hours later I got a call from the sister that had been assigned to provide the meal with me.  I didn't know I would be working with someone.  When she asked what we should provide I told her I could bring taco filling and tortillas.  She was very rude towards me on the phone when she told me how inconsiderate I was to plan the meal without her.  "You've planned everything on your own what am I supposed to bring?!" She snapped at me over the phone.  I tried to explain that I was using stuff I already had but shedidn't seem to be listening.  She then declared that she would make cornbread on her own and drop it off separate from me.
She didn't know.  She didn't know how scared I was after my husband lost his job our how I'd be penny pinching for 7 long months to make sure that our savings would stretch to cover rent.  She didn't know.  She didn't know that for a month I'd be using my sad little bag of pancake mix to make bread products to avoid grocery shopping cause we couldn't afford it. She didn't know.
Fast forward to today. I sat in the cry room of the church so I could listen to sacrament. I look like I rolled out of bed wearing tennis shoes with my dress because I have my work clothes underneath because immediately after sacrament I have work.  I've selected to attend sacrament in the cry room for the past two Sundays because none will notice or judge me when I have to leave early. The only people around me are a few little kids making a mess with cheerios and a few elderly couples.  They see that I have gloves on my hands and a pair of work goggles hanging from the collar of my dress.  Kids don't care and the elderly know why I'm leaving.  What about the rest of the congregation? I don't know.  I don't know if they know.  I doubt they know how long me and my husband prayed and fasted to get the jobs we have. Nor do they know how many interviews we went to in search of employment.  But I know that God knows.  He knows how bad I want to stay for the 3 hr block.  And he knows that our savings ran out a month ago.  I'm a lot less concerned what others think of my appearance or choices. I know that God knows.
I didn't write this blog entry for sympathy, or pity but more with the hope that we can give people the benefit of the doubt more often.  And if anyone ever sees me at church feel free to come sit by me with the knowledge that you will be treated with respect. I don't care if you have a nose ring,  if your kids spread cheerios from here to kingdom come,  if you have to leave early for work,  or if you're dressed casually. You have a seat by me.

Garbage people and garbage behavior

I've learned in my life that there are people with Garbage behavior and people that are truthfully just garbage. Since I've gotten back from my mission I've experienced  both. Some people are reasonably good people who for some reason or another have chosen to behave badly others are truly horrible people. I went through 3 jobs when I got home from my mission.
   Job number one was at a popular hotel chain. The actual boss I liked. The second in command I was less fond of. The hotel chain which can go unnamed disappointed me. I had always wanted to work in a hotel but when I finally did I learned how unprofessional, unsanitary, and cutthroat the hotel business can be. I will admit that I was slower than the other maids but to my knowledge I was the only one that washed her hands and that grossed me out a lot. In this particular case I blamed the company. The company directed their staff with fear. They had given each girl 20 minutes to clean one hotel room. That might sound reasonable at first but once you realized what it entailed it seemed more ridiculous.
   In 20 minutes you were expected to change the bedding in a very specific manner keeping the sheets commercially tight (this was a bigger time eater in most rooms which had 2 beds), you also had to rub down literally everything in the room with sanitizer spray or wood polish, there was also the cleansing of the entire bathroom. All of this might be done within 20 minutes if the room wasn't too badly messed, which unfortunately as most hotel rooms go they are inhabited by lazy travelers who choose to revert back to their youth in the format of soiling every inch of the facility. Because the likelihood of cleaning all of your rooms in the alotted amount of time is low many house keepers resort to cutting corners. They would fail to properly clean things or the most common fail to keep things sanitary. As far as I was aware I was the only housekeeper that washed her hands. Why was this so bothersome? Because we had an order in which we were to clean things. Starting with the bed and ending with the toilet. So if you mop up fecies in one room and head to the next room to make a fresh bed for a future customer and your boss tells you that hand washing is optional...... ya that was disturbing but like earlier stated I blame the company. They threatened to fire maids that couldn't keep up with times.
   So all of the bickering, the competition and the filth I blame on the hotel chain that I worked for. Yes some of the women were unkind, but the fear of losing their jobs is what lead them to misbehave so while working for the hotel I would claim that what I dealt with was garbage behavior or better yet garbage bussiness that lead to garbage behavior.

   I eventually quit the hotel after 3 short months and took on work at a local bakery as my main job. I orginally enjoyed it when I was scheduled during night shift though I did meet a girl I wasn't overly fond of. She was dishonest and fake to get ahead but she was one of many that I worked with so her presence was tollerated. I was eventually put on mourning shift where I got to work with my boss dirrectly. She was a bitter woman with a cold heart, she got a sickening kind of jolly from belittling her employees and truthfully acting insane. She had swill of venom, pee and testostornone in her soul and she spat it at everyone. Those that were her pets were those that were treated kindly everyone else was treated as disposable. This venomous woman had no idea how to run a bussiness and because of that the place was filthy and broke numerous health codes. The slimy little demons that she assumed to be her most trusted workers were those that lazily did little when she was not around as well as those that were later discovered to be stealing from her.
  This hateful little woman that I often referred to as The Wicked Witch of the Bakery was actually kind of pathetic. Due to her behavior one could deduce that as a child she must have been horrible. She must have been one of those bitter sort of people that throw tanturms and bully people and all the along assume that the rest of the 3.5 billion people on the planet are the ones with with intollerable personalities why she must be made of gold.That was my boss. The most impossible kind of human being, angels would weep for any children that this foul creature produced. She was a garbage person. Perhaps there was a reason that she was wired thusly but when you were often the victim of her constant poison it was hard to feel sorry for her. After 3 months I left her facility as well.  
   Due to being short on time I shall rant about job number 3 another day.

sometimes you do get the apology

Have you ever had a person you really care about hurt you? A break between friends where for some reason one of or both of you give up and go your separate ways? I've had my share of messy partings but it's always interesting to see what the power of a year can do. Twice this year I've had people that had quite seriously wronged me seek me out to set things right. One friend had gone cold towards me and cut me out of his life entirely (for no reason whatsoever) and the other had taken advantage of our friendship and been verbally abusive to me. Both came out of the wood works in the past two months to set things right. It's interesting how people always act like nice guys (or in my case girls) finish last because it's not true. If you put forth the effort to be a good person people notice; it might take 6 months, 1 year, or 4 years for people to fully realize that they were unfair to you but whether they do or don't isn't the big picture. As long as you do your best to be kind and fair to others then you'll have no regrets, and heck sometimes you do get that apology that you deserved.